Your Guilt May Be Compassion In Disguise
I had to break up with a friend recently.
Each time we got together, I left feeling more drained than energized. I stopped looking forward to seeing her. I even started to feel resentful.
She didn’t do anything wrong.
I just wasn’t feeling fulfilled by the friendship anymore. And as a mom with limited time and energy, I only have space in my life for the relationships that really nourish me.
I was kind and honest when I told her, but I could feel the guilt washing over me.
I know she doesn’t have a lot of other people to lean on and that she really enjoyed the time we spent together.
I had felt a responsibility to continue with the friendship for her sake, so ending it felt like I was doing something wrong.
But what I’ve learned, as a deeply feeling HSP, is that empathy and responsibility are two different things.
I realized that the guilt I felt for ending the friendship was actually the deep compassion I felt for her in disguise.
To be able to empathize with the experience and emotions of others is a gift. However, it’s crucial to recognize that feeling compassion for someone doesn't mean you are responsible for their feelings or for solving their problems.
By continuing with the friendship to protect her wellbeing, it would’ve meant continuing to neglect my own.
Putting your own needs first and setting boundaries can be extremely challenging when you are someone who connects so deeply with others. It can feel like you are being “bad” or doing something terribly wrong.
But we are all responsible for own experience.
Constantly disregarding how you truly feel in service of someone else leads to depletion, frustration, resentment, even physical illness. If you wouldn’t want someone else to feel that way, then what’s truly wrong is to do that to yourself.
Are you showing up with kindness and integrity?
If so, the rest is up to them.
Struggling to set boundaries and prioritize your own wellbeing? I’m here to help!