Becoming a Mother as an HSP
As the clock struck 2023, I was sinking deeper into the dark waters of depression. Five weeks earlier, I had given birth to my first baby.
How could I love him so fiercely while hating how motherhood was making me feel? If he’s so easy, why is it this hard?
I feel everything deeply to my core. Every sound an affront to my nervous system, every emotion an explosion in my body.
I have spent most of my life trying to control my environment, perfect myself, and prepare for the worst just to feel safe. I’ve learned how to mask my sensitivity to appear “normal” and attune myself to other people’s needs and emotions to be accepted. (More about my story here)
Suddenly, as a mother to a newborn baby, those strategies were no longer available to me. I was drowning in overwhelm and overstimulation. I had no choice but to face the parts of myself I had been able to hide and escape from for so long.
As the sun lingered longer in the sky and the daffodils emerged, slowly I learned how to swim with the tides of my sensitivity instead of fighting against them.
I worked to develop more loving acceptance for the fact that I am highly sensitive instead of shaming myself for it. We live in a world that is more catered to non HSPs, which can convince us that there’s something wrong with us. It’s an ongoing practice to remember that our sensitivity doesn’t make us bad or wrong, just different - with different needs and preferences.
The deeper acceptance for my sensitivity allowed me to get clearer on my specific needs and feel worthy of getting those needs met. Often that looks like asking for support from my husband and family so that I can get some space when I’m feeling overstimulated and moving towards burnout. The more I’ve practiced asking for and receiving support, the more I’ve let go of my lifelong fear that I’m a burden for having needs.
I had to redefine my idea of success. I was constantly thinking about what my new life with a baby “should” look like and feeling like a failure when I didn’t meet the standard of perfection I held myself to. I would compare myself to other moms and feel weak for struggling more than they were or inadequate for not being able to accomplish as much. I have to remind myself every day that I have a different baseline than other people, and that’s okay! While I struggle in certain ways that others don’t, I also excel in unique ways because of my sensitivity.
While it can be overwhelming to feel everything so deeply, it is also a rare gift to be able to feel everything so deeply. Yes, when my son throws a tantrum or won’t go to sleep, my nervous system gets dysregulated faster than my husband’s. However, every single time he smiles at me or splashes in the bath, I am flooded throughout my whole body with a level of joy that my husband doesn’t get to experience nearly as often. I physically feel my heart expand and fill with warmth every time I look at my son, and I wouldn’t want to trade that for anything.
The sun made herself scarce, the air chilled, and it seemed like my baby became a toddler as quickly as the autumn leaves fell.
Just like the changing tides, some aspects of motherhood have gradually become easier, and then brand new challenges arise every day.
But through compassionately embracing my true self, I have built the resilience and tools I need to keep my head above water during the harder times.
And most importantly, I realize now that struggling through the intense waters of motherhood as a highly sensitive person doesn’t make me weak.
It makes me a warrior.
Are you ready to embrace your true self, build resilience, and go from surviving to living? Start here.